Random Google Searches: From Pregnancy Tests To Panties

Ivy says:

Man, do we ever get some weird Google searches that lead people to us. I guess everyone else adheres to my “when in doubt, ask the internet” motto. It appears people have stranger questions than I do, though. Let’s take a look:

Home remedy for pregnancy test– I’ve heard of ways to do a pregnancy test with stuff like Draino, but seriously? You can buy pregnancy tests at the Dollar Store. Just go out and buy one.

Last day for white pants– I guess there’s some theoretical time frame not to wear white pants, but I wear ’em any time I’m not on my period or if there’s no kids around to spill something on them. Which means, I almost never wear white pants.

Lament flooring– Yeah, I lament my flooring, too, every time I mop or vacuum. Then I remember what having a dirt floor would be like, and I cheer up.

Pooping remedies– Sorry, but there’s no way to quit pooping. As the book tells us, everybody poops.

How to live on less– Of course, we had a series on this, but the short form of it is this- buy less. Or you could do like I’m doing today, mooch off your mom. Since the internets is broken at my house, I came to work at my mom’s today and steal her wifi and eat up all her bacon and M&Ms.

Sexy things– Yes, I know. Heather and I are pretty hot, aren’t we? 😀

Stove Top pizza– Ugh, the very idea of this grosses me out. No, just no.

Interesting underwear– I’m so totally picturing panties with the text of “To Kill A Mockingbird” on them. They’d have to be granny panties to get all those words on ’em, though. The truly disturbing part of this is the fact that 7 different people have searched this to get to us. I can promise you, Home Eccers, my undies aren’t that interesting, although they are slightly more interesting than my mom’s.

Stupid trick questions– “Hey George, still beating your wife?” or “Hey Michelle, did you finally quit smoking crack?” is about all I can think of for ya.

Can you freeze waffles?– Does the word “Eggo” mean anything to you?

Christian homeschool mom not enough to pay bills should work– 5 different people searched that to get here. And I don’t even know what to say to that. At all.

Dusty the bag lady– Don’t dusty the bag lady! That’s bad for her! And if there’s a real Dusty the bag lady, I’d like to meet her. I dig bag ladies.

Chill out with Heather– Heather says she definitely needs to chill out, so come on! Me, I’m wondering why nobody wants to chill out with Ivy.

And now, for some your mama searches:

Your mama took my money– Well, it looks like your mama’s going to jail.

Your mama taught you better– Yes, yes she did.

Your mama funk– I guess your mama needs to take a shower, then.

And, some grammar fail:

Your doing it wrong– Yes, yes, you are.

You’re mama don’t live here clean up after yourself– And once you’re finished cleaning up after yourself, try taking some basic grammar courses.

The bizarre:

WOW to get rid of weevils– Here’s how I got rid of my weevils, I sat around and played World of Warcraft all day and bored them all to death. No, wait, that’s how I get rid of unwanted guests. Mr. Heather taught me that. 😉

And finally:

Cats break miniblinds– Yeah, they do, which is one of the biggest reasons I despise miniblinds. Either ditch the miniblinds, buy stronger miniblinds, or put them up so the kitties can’t reach them. Cats love nothing better than to snooze in a sunny window. You can’t get them to stop, so you’d better accomodate them.

Which brings me to a post that JanetLee at Kittens on the Keyboard wrote that was partially directed to us. Her query:
How do I keep my couch cushions from becoming squished and furry? (click over for an adorably cute picture)

My answer: I think you’re gonna have to move the couch away from Kitty TV. It’s that whole cats, sunny window, snoozing thing all over again.

Happy Monday, Home Eccers! Leave a comment and ask us something weird, and we’ll give you some weird answers.

Don’t forget! Today’s the last day to enter to win a $50 Visa gift card!